Monday, July 22, 2013

On Being Alone

This is a rambler because sometimes you just really need to ramble and that's okay. I think a lot of thoughts but I'm not very good at recording them so hence, a blog, even if no one reads it. Whatever.

Some days I really wonder how I can be so simultaneously productive and lazy. The house is clean, the laundry is done, I went for a run (in 90 degree heat on a frighteningly overgrown path. Seriously, nettles taller than me), painted my toenails, and knitted a scarf. Or part of one. But I also watched Grey's Anatomy for five hours? All of this on five hours of sleep.

Here is my sweaty face with said nettles.

It turns out that there are a lot more hours in the day when your husband is gone for six days. And things stay clean for much longer, but I would give up a clean house for that cutie any day. He's back in the states until Friday and this lady is going crazy. This is only the second time we've been apart since we've been married and when we Skype I get these horrible flashbacks to 2010 when we lived in different countries for a year. I would not recommend it.

Having that man 4,000 miles away is really not working for me and I would like to declare that he can never be that far away again. Across an ocean is really far.

You know that feeling where being around a certain someone is always a thousand times better than not? I'm all for solitude (and I actually had a pretty great day by the way, go introverts) but it's always nice to know that while I'm in my corner of the house reading my book or in the kitchen making dinner that Forrest is only a room or two away. Within hugging distance. You know.

We really spend a lot of time together. Probably a lot more time than normal couples due to his restricted work hours. But the thing is, I never get sick of him. I'm assuming this is a good sign? Seriously, we're attached at the hip. We're allowed to be because we didn't get to have real dates when we were dating. Moving to a different country than everyone I know has really been a wonderful thing for our marriage, I think. It has forced us to be dependent on each other (like we weren't already, in a good way). Spending time together is the best thing I can think of and I really love that. Really, it's the best thing.

I have been alone a lot in the last couple of years. That is what happens when you move to a new country and have no friends (to clarify, I do have friends here now) and your husband works 12 hour shifts for the first six months or our marriage.

At first I hated it. Really, really hated it. As a previously full-time student/worker/wedding planner/long-distance-relationship maintainer, I did not know what to with myself. I was bored. The only thing I had to do was watch tv and desperately chat with anyone in the states who happened to be online. It was slightly pathetic, but I really had nothing to do and no car (or inclination to drive on the wrong side of the road) or really anywhere to go.

Gradually, as I grew into my new-found housewife skills, I began to enjoy being alone. Solitude can be an exhilarating feeling. I began to learn how to manage the unending hours in the day. Now, for the first time in my life, I have hobbies. Is it weird that I never had any hobbies? I think it's kind of weird, but whatever, I have them now. I'm also a really good cook.

SO. As I languish through this week without my very favorite person in the world, I will work on myself and my hobbies and on eating healthy and on exercising and really anything else that will keep me occupied.

Here are some slightly unrelated pictures of my rosemary plant. Because I'm bored.

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