Ever since we landed, really, ever since we boarded the plane on our merry way back to this Great Britain, I have had these strange feelings rumbling around. It's unease or something. We left the U.S. and came back and now I'm missing something.
I suppose I just know that I'm ready to be home. I'm done with the two year vacation from real life and am ready to finish school and figure out what we're going to do for the rest of our lives. Somehow I'm worried that all the good things in my life came too early and now all I have left is work and school. Forever. No more traveling, no more doing what I want to do when I want to do it. I enjoy my life excessively and even though I know that it's not practical forever (nor do I want it to be), I also don't want to become a 9-5 drone. Also, I'm really dreading going back to school.
I guess that's where these feelings of anxiety are coming from. I felt the same way when we got back from a month hiatus (for me at least) in Texas last fall and eventually it faded away as I got back into my routine and realized I still had a while to brood. But it's not the same. Now we're on the home stretch. America for good is coming up way too fast, but too slow at the same time. I keep looking around and realizing how temporary we have made this home of ours. We don't have any real furniture, not much decoration, and the bare minimum of plants or anything we know we can't bring back to the states. Okay, I may have gone a slight bit overboard with the plants. I have like 20. And I am so ridiculously upset about not being able to pack them (yet I still bought two more plants just two days ago! what is wrong with me?!) and I have been trying to figure out who will take them when I leave so that they won't be lonely or, you know, dead.
At the same time, I can't wait to finish school. I'm so ready. I'm not looking forward to going to class. I am ready to have my full degree and be accomplished. Because when I'm accomplished, I can do things like wear lipstick and high heels and I won't feel like I'm dressing up for fun. I guess.
I also made a list of why I am especially glad to move back to America.
List:
1. I will no longer have to deal with the obnoxiously hard water. Like so ridiculous that I have to change my shower curtain once every few months even with a filtering shower head. We're talking water so hard that Forrest had to get a special skin cream when he first moved here because his face was getting so dry. Water that still has floating minerals in it after it has gone through the Brita. I really, really hate the water. It smells funny too.
2. I can keep my plants! I can't wait to buy plants (and other things) that I know I can keep forever. This is a really tragic thing for me because I have actually managed to keep living things alive. Some of them for almost two years! There's a special bond between a girl and her first house plants. Let's not talk of the empty flower pots that haunt my dreams.
3. I can buy things with $$ again. Spending pounds makes me want to cry. I think something is cheap and I'm all set when suddenly I realize that I'm actually spending 1.6 times more than I thought and actually could have bought this online for the same amount in dollars. Or cheaper. It's also really annoying to have more than one type of currency in your wallet. I currently have three.
4. No more transformers. No, not the kind you're thinking. This kind of transformer is a 50lb blue metal box that all of our American appliances have to be plugged into in order to work. Those things have some sharp corners and make vacuuming even less enjoyable.
5. Normal sized roads! This really counts for more than roads because everything is so tiny, but the roads are what bother (and terrify) me most.
There are so many good things about England that I was reminded of even as I was making this list, but I had to keep explaining to myself that I'm trying to make myself feel better about our inevitable move back to the Western Hemisphere.
It felt weird not to have a picture in this post, but since all my recent photos are of things in DC that I haven't blogged about yet, above is a picture of me being happy in Virginia. Mount Vernon to be exact. And my feet could barely reach the ground from that bench.
6. You will be able to see your one and only sister again.
ReplyDeleteAlso, you could probably take your favorite houseplant on the plane with you if you. Just stick it in dog kennel with thick mesh instead of windows and say things like, "Good girl!" to it every once in a while.
Five just seemed like a long enough list. I guess I could do that but they would probably confiscate it at customs anyway because who doesn't look in kennels? I know I always do.
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